Brian Walshe On 20 Google Searches: Gosh Damn Ambien, Man

Brian Walshe, accused of murdering and dismembering his wife Ana and disposing of her body in the garbage in south Boston, hasn’t given prosecutors much of an idea in regard to motive, but his Google searches prompted local law enforcement to dig a little deeper into his story.

The Snarky Shart obtained a copy of his searches and a speculative record of his interrogation where he addressed those controversial Google keyword phrases.

Brian Walshe and Ana never had marital problems

Related: Attorney says the case against Brian Walshe may be too weak.

Detective Genio: Mr. Walshe, on December 27th you Googled “Best state for a man to divorce,” were you and Ana having problems?

Brian Walshe: No, no…you’re reading that all wrong; the actual phrase was “best state for a man to divorce himself from all contact with a criminal syndicate; that last part is actually in the dictionary. I just wanted to know the best state for Ana and me to do it. We settled on Georgia.”

Detective Genio: Yes, I agree; Georgia is a good place to get away from a man’s problems, but how do you explain these searches? “How long before a body starts to smell? How to stop a body from decomposing?” Most of these search terms appeared in the a.m. when you claim that Ana left for work in Washington. About an hour later you searched for the term, “10 ways to dispose of a dead body if you really need to.” Did you, need to dispose of a dead body?

Brian Walshe: Yea, that’s a long story. I’d run over a cat the night before; it was going to be a nightmare to deal with, so yea, I guess I did start looking for shortcuts; I wasn’t going to call animal control, best to deal with those types of things yourself.

Detective Genio: Ok, but your next search, “how long for someone to be missing to inherit?” How do you explain that?

Brian Walshe: Well, as I said earlier, Ana left at around 1 a.m. She usually calls to let me know when she’s about to get to work, so when I didn’t hear from her by 6, I figured I should probably at least look into it. I have to take care of the rest of the family if something happens.

Detective Genio: Wow, yea, this is making a lot of sense. Ok, I can see this is just another case of the media jumping the shark. Here’s the rest of the searches; if you could just look over those and note your explanations, we’ll get you out of here; we’ve bothered you enough.

Remaining searches from January 1:

• 6:34 a.m. – Can you throw away body parts.
• 9:29 a.m. – What does formaldehyde do.
• 9:34 a.m. – How long does DNA last.
• 9:59 a.m. – Can identification be made on partial remains.
• 11:34 a.m. – Dismemberment and the best ways to dispose of a body.
• 11:44 a.m. – How to clean blood from wooden floor.
• 11:56 a.m. – Luminol to detect blood.
• 1:08 p.m. – What happens when you put body parts in ammonia.
• 1:21 p.m. – Is it better to put crime scene clothes away or wash them.

Searches from January 2:

• 12:45 p.m. – Hacksaw best tool to dismember.
• 1:10 p.m. – Can you be charged with murder without a body.
• 1:14 p.m. – Can you identify a body with broken teeth.

Searches from January 3:

• 1:02 p.m. – What happens to hair on a dead body.
• 1:13 p.m. – What is the rate of decomposition of a body found in a plastic bag compared to on a surface in the woods.
• 1:20 p.m. – Can baking soda mask or make a body smell good.

Brian Walshe: Oh yea, I can see how all this looks. And honestly, beyond the cat, I really have no words, fucking Ambien, man.

Detective Genio: Whew, we’ve all been there. Probably have a few hijos down in Tijuana because of Ambien, if you know what I mean, ha-ha.”

Unfortunately, the recording ends with Detective Genio’s last remarks. However, for whatever reason, someone in the District Attorney’s Office didn’t buy it, so Brian Walshe is yet again facing tough questions about the search terms, and he won’t be able to Google the answers.

Brian Walshe faces multiples charges, according to a Google search by Snarky Shart

According to multiple reports online, Brian Walshe now faces charges of assault and battery with the intent to murder his wife, murder, moving the body, and the destruction of evidence. But that’s not what’s on everyone’s mind at the DA.

District Attorney Beta Wrun released a statement on the charges, “look, did Brian Walshe murder his wife? I have no idea. Honestly, even I’ve had a wild night or two, too much cocaine, took ecstasy with the wrong crowd, woke up next to giant dog that looks too happy to see me, shit happens. But these Google searches, on Ambien? I don’t think so, he was definitely high on something hard. In regards to the murder, well, we don’t have a body, so I really don’t know what the precedent is for something like that. I mean, I did watch The Hatchet Wielding Hitchhiker recently, so maybe I’ll pull some ideas from that.”

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Editor’s Note: The team at The Snarky Shart would like to extend our deepest condolences to the family of Ana Walshe, her children, and all who were impacted by the horrific alleged actions of Brian Walshe. God bless you and your family.