Man With 3 Inch Nasal Hair Says Benefits Outweigh The Gross

Updated 3/14/2023

A 51-year-old Wyoming gamer was recently confronted by his employer about his hygiene after returning to the office from three years of remote work due to COVID with three inch nasal hair.

Health benefits associated with long nasal hair

Marty Biddleflick, who goes by the Call of Duty Mobile call tag of BooYaBishes on Twitch, says he plans to keep the grossly long nasal hair and credits the fact that he hasn’t caught COVID with his body’s exceptional ability to produce coarse, long, and wet nose hairs. “They’re here to stay,” Biddleflick says, “I’ve removed all trimming devices from my home, this is a red line for me.”

To Biddleflick’s credit, there is some merit to his claims. According to Healthline.com, “Nose hair serves an important purpose. These hairs catch dust and debris in the air that would otherwise become trapped in your upper nasal passages.”

“Look, I’ve done the research, longer and more coarse nasal hair extends life. It prevents sickness, I’m even adjusting my retirement plans. Whether I’m on point or not, I’ve now associated long nasal hair with life expectancy, every inch adds five years from my perspective.”

Healthline.com says that long nasal hairs are typically well lubricated with mucus and therefore attract the pathogens that would normally make their way through your nasal cavity and into your body.

“Exactly!” Biddleflick says.

“I get it, you know, no one’s sharing the peanut butter spoon with me anytime soon, but I might be the healthiest man in the office now,” Biddleflick added.

Biddleflick may file ADA grievance to keep his job

“My boss has said that if I don’t trim my nose hairs I would eventually be terminated for hygiene, but this is my life we’re talking about,” Biddleflick said, adding “I’m looking at all options, I may even file a grievance under the Americans with Disabilities Act.”

Under the Americans with Disabilities Act, persons with disabilities can file a grievance against their employer if they feel they have been discriminated against on the basis of disability. However, what is considered a “qualifying disability” can be highly interpretive at times. For example, if an employee using a wheelchair cannot report to work because the building is not accessible or her workstation doesn’t support her mobility device, she would be eligible to file a grievance to prompt action from her employer. However, a nasal hair grievance would likely be a first as it is not a qualifying disability.

“Then it’s a pre-grievance,” Biddleflick says. “I’m pre-grieving the fact that the oppressive nasal hair policies my employer has implemented will lead to disease, disability, and ultimately death. I’m sorry, but the ‘it’s so gross’ argument doesn’t work for me, I think they’re gross, walking water bags infected with all kinds of pathogens. I’m sorry, but I just can’t back down, for me, the benefits outweigh the gross.”

Update 3/14/2023: Biddleflick’s ADA claim was ultimately rejected. His employer, Wahl Ear, Nose, and Brow Clipper Corporation. released this statement:

“As a manufacturer of high-end clipping devices and tools, we will not allow any representative of our company to mock our community with grossly long and untameable nasal hair. We were excited to welcome Mr. Biddleflick to the team in 2019, however, upon his return to the office after COVID, as Customer Relationship Manager for Wahl, Mr. Biddleflick’s life choices simply did not mesh with the aesthetic that we as a company have worked hard to create.”

Biddleflick says that while his ADA grievance was rejected and he was ultimately forced to trim his nasal hairs before meeting with customers, he isn’t giving up on his passion for great health.

“Yea, I trimmed them, but I’m considering a career change. I just can’t sell these clippers everyday and look myself in the mirror; we’re killing people with these products.”

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